


The Alien Made Me Do It

by wackyjacqs



Series: Bizarre Holidays [44]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s03e16 Urgo, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 03:22:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17758829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wackyjacqs/pseuds/wackyjacqs
Summary: “Is Maui really that sandy?”The colonel’s arm was half inside his jacket when he froze at the question. Slowly, he turned to face Urgo, only to discover Daniel and Teal'c had made a hasty retreat from the locker room.





	The Alien Made Me Do It

**Author's Note:**

> Written for ‘Extraterrestrial Culture Day’ (12 February). 
> 
> I feel like I should add that Thor does not make an appearance…

“ _Please!_ I'm begging you.”

“No.”

“How about I –”

“Nope.”

“But –”

“ _Ahhh!_ Ah. What part of _no_ , don’t you understand?”

Urgo was just about to respond when the colonel held up a finger in warning and glared. Satisfied that their super annoying alien entity would stay quiet, Jack turned back to his locker.

“Sammy?”

Jack closed his eyes.

“Come on, Sam. I can –”

“ _Hey!_ You leave Carter out of this,” he snapped, then rolled his eyes when Urgo simply pouted in response.

With more force than needed, Jack grabbed his jacket and slammed his locker shut. He was just minutes away from returning to P4X-884 and saying goodbye to the intruder forever.

“Is Maui really that sandy?”

The colonel’s arm was half inside his jacket when he froze at the question. Slowly, he turned to face Urgo, only to discover Daniel and Teal'c had made a hasty retreat from the locker room. Sam remained as she tried, and failed, miserably to hide her smile.

_“What?”_

“Long, white, sandy beaches. Crystal clear waters. Palm trees stretching as far as the eye can see,” Urgo dreamily supplied.

“I don’t know,” Jack answered as he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I’ve never been.”

He finished putting on his jacket and fastened the zipper when the silence was broken again.

“But you seem to know it well. You’ve been wishing you were there all day –”

“Urgo.”

“Just sitting on the sand –”

_“Urgo,”_ Jack warned.”

“And Sam is there too! And she’s wearing –”

_“Urgo!”_

A choked sound to his left caught his attention and his gaze flew to Sam’s but Jack couldn’t decide if he was relieved or disappointed at the fact that she looked more bemused than anything else. He turned back to the source of his current discomfort and sighed heavily.

“You ready to go, Carter?”

“Yes, sir,” she nodded as she closed her locker.

“Good. The sooner we get rid of him, the better.”

Sam threw him a sympathetic smile, right before Urgo piped up once more.

“Oh! Now that hurts,” he retorted dramatically, a hand splayed over his chest. “And I hadn’t even shared the best part.”

“Are you sure I can’t shoot him?”

“No, sir. You can’t.”

“Damn.”

Jack pulled a face, then glanced towards his second and with a gesture towards the door, let her leave first. Unfortunately, Sam was just about to step into the corridor when the question Jack had been dreading, was finally uttered.

“Why do you like little black bikinis so much?”

Involuntarily, the colonel’s gaze once again snapped to his major, while his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he fumbled for something to say.

“I mean, I know they’re little –”

“Urgo, I mean it. Don’t –”

“But it’s not like you’re even paying attention because –”

“You are such a sh–”

“You’re too busy kissing Sam.”

The resulting silence was deafening and, in that moment, Jack would quite happily have faced an entire army of Jaffa, rather than witness Carter’s reaction. The only silver lining was that she would have been the only other person to hear Urgo’s traitorous words.

Holding his breath, Jack slowly looked to the woman in question – and wasn’t surprised by her shocked expression. What did surprise him, however, was the deep shade of red that stained her cheeks and spread down her neck before it disappeared –

He shook his head to get rid of those thoughts.

“Carter, I – ah – uh…”

“Yes? Sir?”

He caught the strange tone in her voice but refused to dwell. “I’m currently under the influence of alien technology...”


End file.
